Sometimes, Autism wins. And it's not pretty. It doesn't come in a beautiful package to unwrap. It's raw and ugly. Short fuses, repetition, and uncertainty all play a role in our so called "defeats." I see his sweet little face making connections and neurons firing and I sit and wonder what is going on in his head. What on Earth is he thinking? I see the faces he makes when I put new food in front of him. And I can't help but wonder what offends him. How can I make it better? How can I help my little boy? All these different elements take its toll on us and makes us who we are at the same time. I have two choices: to let it defeat me or let it teach me. Now, I am no expert on Autism. But, I will say that I am an expert on Noah's Autism.
Noah 101:
Blinking eyes means NO. Blinking eyes with mouth open means an emphatic NO.
Square plates are strictly prohibited.
Ruffles are to be eaten out of the bag only. Not on plates, in bags, or in bowls.
The Big Bang Theory theme song is not to be fast forwarded through or there will be hell to pay.
Kevin is to perform all morning rituals and Mama is to perform all evening rituals.
Red tops (Chef Boyardee) is to be eaten out of teal plastic bowls only.
Grits are only eaten at Nanny and PawPaw's.
Chocolate milk is to be consumed only at Mama and Kevin's. The only acceptable brand is Purity.
During a meltdown, 1001 Surprise Eggs on YouTube is the only acceptable way to calm down.
Fruit snacks must be on hand AT ALL TIMES. No exceptions.
Sitting in the bathtub while being washed is prohibited.
Using the shower head in the bathtub will be met with blood curdling screams.
The seating arrangement must be strictly adhered to at family meals.
Undressing must be done from the head down.
Getting dressed must be performed in this order: underwear, socks, pants, shirt
When visiting Walmart, it is customary to obtain a container of mini oreos.
Uncrustables must be cut into eight equal pieces resembling a pizza.
All items must pass a smell test.
Just to name a few.
On the flip side, there is a side to Noah that I am in awe of on a daily basis. He loves hugs and closeness. Holding hands is a must. We don't have to adhere to a strict schedule of ritual and routine. While he does need things a certain way in a certain order, he has never been a slave to the clock. We eat at different times and bathe at different times and he's happy with that. As long as everything is in the correct sequence then, it's all good. He is such a people pleaser. Always trying things to make people laugh and cheer. And I am proud to report we are well on track with potty training. No more diapers. In underwear all the time now! He is very proud of himself.
He is the kindest soul I've ever been around. Before my Granddaddy passed away about a month ago, we piled in the car for a day trip to see him. Weak and feeble in a hospital bed in the living room we each took our turn saying goodbye before going home. Noah had only been around him a few times, but he always took to him. That's the part of the Autism that I'm thankful for. He can read people. And my sweet Granddaddy was a wonderful, pure soul. A little piece of him is with Noah. I took him over to his bedside and I had decided that I was not going to push Noah to hug him or climb up on the bed because I didn't want my Granddaddy's last memory of Noah to be one where he's screaming and squirming to get away. I said, “Noah let's tell him bye-bye and we'll see him again one day after awhile.” My granddaddy stuck his hand out and Noah so calmly laid his head right in his hand. I will carry that memory with me for as long as I live. Autism did not win that day. And I am so thankful I could be apart of such a pure moment between two very special souls.
