Picture a house. Your dream house. Hard wood floors, tiled shower, jetted bathtub, tall ceilings, gourmet kitchen. Everything you've ever wanted. Now one thing I should mention. No dishwasher. But you don't really mind the dish washing by hand. But there's a space where the dishwasher should be. You are perfectly happy washing the dishes, but all you can see is the place where a dishwasher goes. Your dream house is still your dream, just missing something.
On August 31 at 12:16 AM, I got my "dishwasher." All 5 lbs and 15 oz. With tears streaming and heart racing, I stared at this baby girl for about 30 seconds before they whisked her away to the nursery. She was my missing piece: the hole I didn't know I was missing and was completely aware of all at the same time.
The first time Noah saw her she was four days old. She was in the NICU and it was the first day I felt somewhat normal. Tired and sore, but with two babies to love. I held her close and Kevin put the NICU gown on Noah and washed his hands and led him to us. As soon as he was close enough to touch her, she started crying. And that was that. Noah wouldn't come near her. I could see it in his eyes, "that thing is crying."
We brought her home two days later, and he was not having it. Many tears were shed. By Noah and by me. He was unsure about this little girl that he thought was his replacement. I was unsure that my first sweet baby would ever accept my second sweet baby as his own. Lots of sad eyes and sleepless nights. Two children needed me. Noah refused to let anyone do anything for him but me. Constantly begging me to put down this intruder and be HIS mama.
Now, let me explain some things. Noah is the kindest soul I've ever met. So, his non-acceptance of his sister was not out of malice or hate, but out of dismay and uncertainty. His life thrives on routine and order. Kate brought a certain level of chaos and disarray. His heart must be earned with consistency. Every day after school, he'd come home and peek around the corner toward the swing and look for her. I made it a point to have her in the swing when he got home so he wouldn't be threatened by me holding her every single day. Breaking in a new sibling is difficult. Most children experience jealousy. Of course. People coming in and out exclaiming how sweet and precious the new addition is has got to be disheartening. Something with which adults are equipped to cope. Small children. Not so much.
Three weeks is Noah's general adjustment period. We can do anything for three weeks. But one day out of the blue he was handing me diapers. And the next helping me button up her pajamas. Soon, he's touching her feet, then her hands. Finally wanting her to lay on his tummy. And shortly after that I caught him kissing her head. In my thirty years of life, nothing prepared me for seeing my first true love kiss his baby sister. Talk about ugly crying. My heart and soul right there loving each other. As time has gone on he's become this protector big brother. She cries. He rushes to her aid. Kissing her nearly every hour. His jealousy quickly morphing to extreme love and adoration. She looks at him the same way. She seems at ease when he's around. Looking at him like she knew him in another life. Like he'll always be there to save her from trouble.
Before Kate, I didn't know what I was missing. Just that I was missing something. She completes this crazy family. And I've never been happier washing dishes...
On August 31 at 12:16 AM, I got my "dishwasher." All 5 lbs and 15 oz. With tears streaming and heart racing, I stared at this baby girl for about 30 seconds before they whisked her away to the nursery. She was my missing piece: the hole I didn't know I was missing and was completely aware of all at the same time.
The first time Noah saw her she was four days old. She was in the NICU and it was the first day I felt somewhat normal. Tired and sore, but with two babies to love. I held her close and Kevin put the NICU gown on Noah and washed his hands and led him to us. As soon as he was close enough to touch her, she started crying. And that was that. Noah wouldn't come near her. I could see it in his eyes, "that thing is crying."
We brought her home two days later, and he was not having it. Many tears were shed. By Noah and by me. He was unsure about this little girl that he thought was his replacement. I was unsure that my first sweet baby would ever accept my second sweet baby as his own. Lots of sad eyes and sleepless nights. Two children needed me. Noah refused to let anyone do anything for him but me. Constantly begging me to put down this intruder and be HIS mama.
Now, let me explain some things. Noah is the kindest soul I've ever met. So, his non-acceptance of his sister was not out of malice or hate, but out of dismay and uncertainty. His life thrives on routine and order. Kate brought a certain level of chaos and disarray. His heart must be earned with consistency. Every day after school, he'd come home and peek around the corner toward the swing and look for her. I made it a point to have her in the swing when he got home so he wouldn't be threatened by me holding her every single day. Breaking in a new sibling is difficult. Most children experience jealousy. Of course. People coming in and out exclaiming how sweet and precious the new addition is has got to be disheartening. Something with which adults are equipped to cope. Small children. Not so much.
Three weeks is Noah's general adjustment period. We can do anything for three weeks. But one day out of the blue he was handing me diapers. And the next helping me button up her pajamas. Soon, he's touching her feet, then her hands. Finally wanting her to lay on his tummy. And shortly after that I caught him kissing her head. In my thirty years of life, nothing prepared me for seeing my first true love kiss his baby sister. Talk about ugly crying. My heart and soul right there loving each other. As time has gone on he's become this protector big brother. She cries. He rushes to her aid. Kissing her nearly every hour. His jealousy quickly morphing to extreme love and adoration. She looks at him the same way. She seems at ease when he's around. Looking at him like she knew him in another life. Like he'll always be there to save her from trouble.
Before Kate, I didn't know what I was missing. Just that I was missing something. She completes this crazy family. And I've never been happier washing dishes...
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