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I Didn't Hear You.

You just have to relax. If you'd stop putting so much pressure on yourself, you'd be so much more successful. It doesn't matter if they don't like you. Most marriages don't make it through nursing school or a remodel of their house. Really, Nikki? I didn't listen to any of that. It has to be my idea. 

I got a 23 on my ACT because I couldn't control my heart rate enough to comprehend the questions. I was in fight or flight. And continued to be throughout most of my adulthood. That's also how I failed out of nursing school in 2009, at a ripe age of 22. If Apple Watches had been a thing back then, mine would have alarmed throughout the entire exam. And fight or flight only got worse from there. Well long story short, in 2021, I figured out how to relax. All because a nice guy stayed helped me learn to regulate my emotions. Spoiler alert. We didn't get a divorce. Because I don't listen.

I married a man that hated me. Because we oopsed and I got pregnant. I had to marry him. I couldn't do it by myself. Red flag after red flag ignored.  Stokholm Syndrome is real. Add in a pathological people pleaser and I showed him I'd never leave. I'd change myself into whatever he would've wanted. I thank God frequently for ending that situation. My parents said, "you don't have to marry him, but we'll be there if you do." My best friend was like, "girl, are you sure?" But, I didn't listen.

Then, I married a man that loves me. He's kind and protective. His eyes are green. He is my "Emerald City." He made me feel like it was ok to heal and be myself. He accepted my apologies because it just occurred to me recently that I just don't listen. This is all just realized information. And a lot of therapy. People pleasing would have been the death of me. But God knew. I pray for forgiveness frequently over getting divorced and remarried. But, honestly, it was all by design. It was written in the stars for us to be together. I just had to pushed to the absolute limit first. All because I never listened until now.




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